And so I search for meaning
A way for me (and the world)
To live beyond Brokenness
A body that hurts
And a mind that is twisted–
Fragmented– a
going insane mind

I search for Christ
The nails
The cross
The blood
Those words that ring so true yelled
into the universe
“My God Why… Why?
Damn You!
Damn You!
Damn You!”

I search the cards
I watch for signs
I know my Hebrew Letters
I try to come to any understanding of
Nazi Death Camps
Rwanda
Kosovo
Darfur
Hunger
Starvation
Children nailed to crosses
and mirrors with floating rooms

We share our scars
Like we share colds and
Coughs and
Sneezes

You rape me and
Hit me and
I hit myself and
Damage the person next to me…
Hand to hand–
War to war–
Dark to darker
To pitch black
Horror
The world ends

Search!
Search the night sky
Wonder!
Meditate
Hope
For something
More than just a beat up existence–
I want my nightmares
To
Make
Sense
To have some kind of meaning
To be more than some random chance
Occurrence

And so I search
For systemic
Chaotic
Betrayal
To make sense in my crazy mind…
To make sense–
The puzzle pieces
Within the eternal mind of God